Mardi Gras in New Orleans

Mardi Gras in Madison

Stu insisted that I blog about last night’s adventures. This could prove difficult. My memory is still a bit fuzzy. Let’s just say my morning’s inbox was filled with replies to e-mails I don’t remember sending.

But, hey, it was Fat Tuesday and these things happen. And while Madison isn’t one of the world’s carnevale hotspots (it was 35 degrees yesterday), here are some reasons that make Wisconsin a good place for pre-Lenten fun!

How Madison’s Fat Tuesday Puts the Sin in Wisconsin: A List

1. People wear both feathers and masks for Wisconsin Mardi Gras! Ski masks and goose-down parkas.

2. No watered-down drinks are served! (because they’d turn to ice and the bar would be BUSTED!)

3. Madison celebrates Fat Tuesday at a German Restaurant called the Essen Haus. “German Mardi Gras?” you ask. Yep. Me too. I got beer steins, hot pretzels and a cajun band for my answer. But without this, I never would have learned that “Fasching!” is German for Mardi Gras. Fasching sounds more like a perversion than a party, but when in Wisconsin…

4. People don’t take off their clothes on Mardi Gras. They keep them on. Wisconsin weather makes shrinkage a significant factor in the Mardi Gras equation. Nobody wants to see your shriveled weinerschnitzel — even at the Essen Haus. Beads may prompt someone into strip-teasing off a scarf, but that’s about it.

5. Bars are overrun with packs of rowdy software salesmen, pushing 50 yet who never really left the frat house. They put the fat in Fat Tuesday. This is their night.

6. You meet people with names like T-Bone, Flinner, Lefty and Fuzzy Periwinkle (see above). A text from Carol at 9:35 at night: “I’m overrun by old dudes. Help!” 

7. Beers are served by the boot. One boot holds two liters of beer. A pair of boots hold four liters of beer. After drinking a boot, you feel like you’ve been kicked in the face with one. 

8. The boot has rules. It must be passed from person-to-person without resting on the table Spilling means spanking. There’s flicking before and after sipping. And the person who passes the boot to the one who finishes it has to buy another one. It’s all very difficult to remember. So when in doubt, chug the boot so you won’t get stuck with the bill.

9. This is the only place where you can shout “Hey! Cow!” and the waitress will bring you beer.  Spit-free even! Spotted Cow beer is a local favorite. So is name-shortening. 

10.  Instead of a washboard, the cajun band plays a snow-blower. Okay, not really. But the triangle player had to quit the set after his tongue stuck to his instrument. 

Happy Ash Wednesday! I’m happily giving up beer boots for Lent!